Posted by: justmiss | February 24, 2009

You made your bed

I’m 26. My birthday is less than 25 days away. (Hint dropping? Me? Noooo) During my 26 years on this lovely planet, I’ve learned a lot. One most important thing?


Specifically, for my actions.

If you didn’t know this already, I was in an abusive marriage. (We are touching on abuse soon, aren’t you glad?) I’ve been out of it for a little over 2 years. For the last year of that marriage, I was having an affair. [insert judgment I don’t care about here].

I don’t regret it. He helped me get out of a marriage I did not want to be in. He gave me the confidence I never thought I would have again, to see that I was a good person again.

We didn’t work out, but we had purpose. In the end, to me, that’s all that matters.

There’s a point here… I know it’s somewhere.

Look, we all make choices in life. Sometimes, when making these choices, we consider what it’s going to mean to the people around us. Sometimes, we don’t. Sometimes we act on an incredibly selfish way and do only what we want to do for US.

And that is ok. If you spend your whole life worrying about what other people think, or about what some people think is right or wrong, you’ll never find your own happiness. I chose to have an affair. I owned that decision. I experienced great love as a result of being selfish.

Again, with the point…

Here it is! I did what I did. I did it knowing that there were consequences. And I was 100% prepared to deal with them.


I made a choice. I knew that, no matter the outcome, I would have to face what I did had I needed to.

I wouldn’t have lied. I wouldn’t have blamed someone else for the mess I had made for myself. Most importantly, I would not have made myself the victim. I would not have seeked sympathy, especially not in the capacity where if, the situation were reversed, those who held my hand would then be ignored by me.

oh tangent. Sorry.

Point. Back to it.

Ownership. It’s pretty much the word of the day.

Own your fucking choices.
Own your fuck ups.
Own your reality which means you have to face it first.
Own yourself.

And stop taking the easy way out. Maybe not settling for something that makes you unhappy, even if the other side is scary, is what you need to do.

Oh also? If you make your fucking bed, be prepared to fucking lay in it.



  1. Well said! You are so very right about people are in your life for a reason at the time they are in it. Some might be in your life for a short time and some might be lifers. But over all, there is a purpose. I know you came into my life for a reason and continue to be in it for new reasons. We all need to own our decisions, we all need to see what life is holding for us instead of ignoring it. The world would be a better place if more people did just that.

  2. 100% agree

    You’re only here once, so you have to do what’s going to make you happy. I’m in my second marriage. I married very young the first time, realized I’d made a huge mistake, and we ended it after a year. Best decision I ever made, but I delayed the decision for a while because I was worried about hurting people and worried what others would think.

  3. I can’t even explain how much I agree with you. I say that all. the. time.

  4. And if you make your bed and don’t like it, be prepared to get right up and remake the damned thing.
    Wise words you’ve got there sugar.

  5. good for you !

  6. I TOTALLY agree. Your bed. Get comfy.

  7. Can I make my bed with 1000 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets?

    Oh, you’re talking metaphorically. Right on.

  8. Completely. I intended to post about a similar thought, but from a different direction. Then, you know, I saw something shiny.

    Here’s the thing that people who are afraid to lie in those beds and own their own decisions don’t realize: regardless, almost, of what it is that they did ‘wrong’, claiming ownership over your actions makes people actually have respect for you. Instead of there being a few who pity and the rest who see only maliciousness.

    Great post, babe. Looking forward to seeing what you put together for Maggie – because you know your story belongs, right?

  9. I like the word ‘accountability’. However, I also have a fondness for the word ‘pamphlet’.

    So, what exactly do I know?

  10. Cripes, you’re only 26. And I mean that in a totally non-condescending manner. You’re wiser than most twice your age.

    You OWN it woman. Respect.

  11. I wish I had this strength.

  12. Good call! I wish more people would be as accepting of such things! YES you had an affair and it helped you get to a better place (like you said, there was PURPOSE) and I like that you didn’t sully that by apologising or making excuses for yourself. It happened, you accepted it and took what came your way because of it.

    🙂 You’re pretty awesome – you know that, right?

  13. No judgement at all, and my birthday is EXACTLY in 25 days. Just sayin’.

  14. “Oh also? If you make your fucking bed, be prepared to fucking lay in it.” – or is that be prepared to lay fucking in it? just sayin…

    But yes, you are so right on. Geez you sound so adult-like an all. Must be the upcoming birthday ; )

  15. Some of these comments crack me up, but I think you are pretty right on.

    Sometimes the “right” thing isn’t always the “best” thing for you – but you own it anyhow.


  16. I wish more people believed in owning their choices and actions!

    But more than that, I am very glad that you managed to get out of the abusive relationship you were once in. It doesn’t matter how it happened, affair or otherwise, I’m just glad that there is one less woman in this world being abused by their husband. Congratulations on that!

  17. Well said darling. I couldn’t have said it better. Ownership isn’t always easy, but it’s the right thing to do.

  18. You dont know me nor I know you, but I loved this entry. I hope more people realize that in the end the choices are made by themselves and not to blame someone else for their actions 🙂

  19. […] cunt of a woman who’s heart you broke. TWICE. You both are disgusting. And someone else needed to tell you that, […]

  20. I agree with you. Very nicely said. And in the interest of owning up to it, I’m masturbating while I write this.

  21. I had a good comment in my head but was TOTALLY distracted after reading Avitables.

  22. If everyone was totally up to ownership who would the perfect hold their candle to?

    Just some jumbled words for thought.

  23. Got nothing. Avitable screwed me up 😉
    so I’ll give you this: I read and I hug you, virtually.

  24. Owning one’s shit is indeed an important step in life.
    I’m pretty whelmed by how much life you’ve lived in your youth. 😛

  25. Miss, I am in complete AWE of you right now.

    Thank you for having the BALLS to post this.

  26. I think that the hardest part for most people is coming to terms with the word “choice”… Coming to terms with the fact that there was, of course, another avenue available and that they chose to not take it. Awesome post, honey. AWESOME.

  27. So many people use excuses to keep from learning lessons – to keep from becoming more of a person, just because the lesson is hard to learn. Sometimes learning you were wrong or were out of line is even more valuable than being able to say you were right.

    Nicely said.

  28. wow.

    could you talk to my son about personal responsibility? maybe he’d listen to *you*!

  29. […] You made your bed […]

  30. Good for you. The great irony of an honest life is that we must start with being honest with ourselves before being able to be honest with others. I admire your willingness to share this so openly.


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