Posted by: justmiss | January 1, 2009

It’s a New Year

Thank Gawd.

I would like this year to mean something new. The proverbial slate is clean and I would love nothing more than to make drastic changes to improve my life but that hasn’t been my style for at least two years.

After the little mishap of whore calling back in November, I pretty much figured that a certain chapter of my life was closed. I honestly did not struggle at that particular moment in time with being angry and over it right then and there. Having easily accessible distractions help.

Guess who decided to make a little comeback on Monday night/Tuesday Morning? With the little suggestion not to write about it on my blog. Yea. Well, that’s what I DO. I didn’t get called a whore this time (phew), in fact quite the opposite. Which, honestly, I’m not really down for. I wasn’t and I told him that. I explained how much it hurt the first time, and how hard it was to get over. I explained how I felt the second time too. I told him that he would have to get his shit completely together if he thought we had a chance. He did say he knew that, but come to think of it, never actually said that he would. We did kinda agree to see each other today and that phone calls would be made from him to confirm that.

Needless to say, the calls never came. I bluffed and sent a text saying that I wasn’t expecting it but of course I was. After spending 3 of the past New Year’s with him, and being alone this year, I struggled. I went to the movies alone. I cried. I smoked and tried to call him. My phone never connected which I choose to believe was the Universe helping me out a bit. I cried some more. I talked and giggled with my friend. I fell asleep smiling thanks to another.

Then it hit me again today. I was angry. I was sad. I DID call. A few times. The calls were ignored. 6 text messages were read and ignored. Then. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes, washed my face and made a decision.

No more of this. I can’t do it. If he feels that I am special to him and he tells me so, he would have answered my calls. He would have sent me a message. And I get that now. I got it before but it’s not easy being strong all of the time. My last message to him was to do me a favor and forget that he ever knew me.

Because I don’t need him. Sure, I have love for him. But I don’t have respect for who he is. Why should I respect someone who has zero respect for me?

One thing I learned last year, and will apply time and time again in 2009, is that I deserve better. I deserve the best. And even if I can’t directly have the best, I’m getting it in small and certain doses. And that’s ok for now. It might be better at this exact time. Only time will tell.

And who knows what this year will bring? I certainly wasn’t expecting what I got in 2008. That goes for the bad, and for the really, really good.

Until then… I guess I’ll keep kissing frogs, until one of these times, he turns into a Prince.

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Responses

  1. I had fun talking and giggling with you last night … thanks to you, Twitter and my parents I didn’t feel lonely or sad that I didn’t have a prince to kiss at midnight. So, our princes turned out to be toads. There is a knight in shining armor out there somewhere for us … we just gotta keep our hearts open to the possibilities. *MWAH*

  2. Stick to your guns, whore, dont let this asshole get you down. If he shows up at your door, wave a gun.

  3. Princes are ALL toads when we really think about it! Like RLM said, the Princes are toads … and they will show up when we’re destined to meet them.

    Until then, we have one another.

    ā¤

  4. One of them will. And if they don’t, I’m snatching you up. Happy new year, sugar.

  5. I would’ve thought frogs were a bit too slimy to kiss! A tub of ben & jerry’s might be a better option.
    You’re right, you deserve the best. Now go out and grab it with both hands.

  6. You do deserve better.
    You are a gem in my life.
    How that shit doesn’t see it baffles me.
    Much love to you Miss.
    And Thank You..
    For just being you.
    And being friends with me.
    Happy New Year!!

  7. We keep telling you you’re too good for him, but it’s like losing weight or quitting smoking or any other resolution – you’ll do it when the time is right for you. Now you’re mad, and that’s a good thing.

    Happy New Year!

  8. I’m sorry you got caught up in that chaos again. But you’re right, if he cared even a little bit, he would’ve replied. Even if he was busy, how long does it take to send a text? You don’t want to be involved with someone who can’t take 30 seconds to respond.

    Happy New Year, Sweet Cheeks. You do deserve the best, the absolute best. May 2009 be the year he finds you.

  9. I heart you. It’ll come, I promise.

  10. Good for you, babe. I love you LOTS and LOTS. Here if you need me, too…

  11. I have a correction for you. You don’t deserve the best. You deserve better than it. Obviously, he has some mild retardation to do that to you. Obviously, you’re a genius for calling it early in the new game. 2009, baby. It’s whatever we make it. xo

  12. I don’t know the whole story, but for what it’s worth and from what I read in the comments, it sounds like you’re making the right choice. Plus, it doesn’t seem like you’ll have too much trouble picking another one off the boy tree. Try Saddle Ranch on Sunset.

    Kidding. šŸ™‚

  13. You DO deserve more, way more. What a doucebag to not call you back. Seriously, enough is enough. Here’s to a better year babe.

  14. Yep, you deserve better, for definite. I also think it’s one of those things that will just happen kind of falling into place now that you have the idea that you are worth someone decent and then give it a little time. 2009 could be a very nice year, indeed. šŸ™‚


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