Posted by: justmiss | November 9, 2008

Beautiful Disaster

He drowns in his dreams, an exquisit extreme I know…

He holds hope inside him like a treasure. He wants a certain life, he wants to acheive so much. And I stand behind him, just as hopeful, always wanting the best. Always knowing that he has it inside him to be great.

If I try to save him, my whole world could cave in…

I’ve done my best, I gave everything I could. I pushed him, told him he could be whoever he wanted to be. Believed in him. Helped him get places that no one else would. But that was then. And now, if I gave all of myself again, I will get pulled in, drowning just as quickly as he will.

He’s magic and myth, as strong as what I believe

He’s amazing. He’s so much. Too much I think somedays. I’m trying to keep my head up, trying to stay strong and it’s getting harder and harder. I feel myself loosing grip. Sleep is fleeting, hard to achieve. My brain and my heart are racing to the finish.ANd I’m the only one loosing that race.

I’m waiting for some kind of miracle, waited so long

I’m wishing for clarity. I want my choice to be clear as day. I want this time to be what it was meant to be, not all skewed by the complication that is already weighing us down. Easy. Uncomplicated. Why can’t everything be like that? Without limitation, without expectation. Just happens to be exactly what it is. That’s what I should be focusing on.

He’s never enough. But still he’s more than I can take.

Exactly. Fucking exactly. I don’t know what the fuck I want. I don’t know who I want. I don’t even know how well of a person I can be. Fuckity.

If I could hold on, through the tears and the laughter… Will it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster?

Guess we’ll find out.

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Responses

  1. You know what I want you to do? I want you to listen to ‘Summer Madness’ by Kool & The Gang and write a post like this for me.

    It’ll be a challenge, because it’s an instrumental – but it has more power than so many songs with words. It’s my shit. Makes me wish I still got high. I’d be fucked up with that shit on repeat 24/7.

    I’m totally rambling. I’m sorry. LOL

  2. I wish I knew what to say, but I don’t. So I will just offer a hug and a smile and hope it helps.

  3. can I just say that I’m grateful for nablaposteverydayblo because it means I always have you waiting in my reader! 🙂

  4. You deserve a guy who IS enough, and who can handle what you’ve got to give and who gives what you can handle. If that makes any sense.

    I truly hope you find what you’re looking for.

  5. Oh Miss … you know what I am going to write. Bottom line is you deserve to love someone in the here and now and you deserve that same love returned to you by that person. Like I realized in my post for today … love is present. You can love potential, you can love who he could be, you can love the dreams of “one day”. But, they are not tangible. You cannot hold them or kiss them and they cannot return the affection. You want to love in the present, but does he?

  6. I do not have the eloquent words of how to make it easier.. I can offer an ear..a text.. an email..if you ever want to vent.. oh and a HUG.. i have lots of hugs.. 🙂

  7. My heart goes out to you. I cried reading this post. Every word of this post reminds me of someone. I remember the pain, the heaviness, the longing. *hugs*

  8. Hugs. LOVE.

    I’m once again and still tripping out about this being Kelly Clarkson.


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