Posted by: justmiss | November 6, 2008

Second Best

I’ve never felt like I’ve been the best at anything. I don’t know that I’ve ever strived to BE the best at anything either so maybe that’s why. I suppose, if I really wanted to open a huge can of worms, I could try to figure that out. But I’ll spare you and my own fragile psyche right now.

I do however, feel like I’m second best a lot. I struggle a lot, dealing with what people think of me, how I’m treated by other people, and how people react to me.

Take blogging. I blog for myself, but I would be a liar if I said I didn’t care about comments. Everyone loves comments. They make you feel a little less alone in this big blogging world. I especially love to know that people are reading, and that something I said caused them to take a minute to say something. I love to know that people take a minute out of their lives to read the words that I’ve written. I don’t actively go out of my way to get new readers but I appreciate everyone who reads here.

I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking for interesting blogs to read. I keep an eye out on twitter, blogrolls, linky love, that kind of stuff. Every time I come across a new blog, I always check their blogroll to see if any of my favorite reads are there. If so, I’ll take a minute and read a few posts. Twitter is great for this because if my friends are talking to someone I don’t know, they must be some kind of awesome. So I check them out. Am I the only one that does this? I came across a blogger today who’s blog roll has almost EVERY single one of my friends blogs on it. Almost. Every. Single. One. That is rare. It makes me wonder how this blogger came across all my favorite people in the world, yet has made no notice of me. Or maybe they did. Maybe they did, came here, read a post and totally hated what I wrote.

I know I’m not your average “mommy blogger”. And I’m really ok with that. If I wanted to be, I could. I mean, its not that difficult to write about the everyday goings on of me and my son. But I don’t. Because I choose not to. Because I want to write what I want to write. And that should be enough for me.

Friendships. I usually feel as if I give and give and give and yet receive little to nothing back. Friendships aren’t about that, I know, but it would be fucking fantastic to feel appreciated for who I am and what I do. The thing is, I see my friends doing things for others, checking on them, and rarely do they do that for me. I see them reacting to other people’s problems, other people’s little ramblings, and yet when I need someone, when I need a reaction so as not to feel alone, its lacking. This isn’t across the board, in no way. And because of that, maybe I’m stretching in believing that some people are my friends. There are friends that reach out to me, that respond to me and there are no words to describe how that makes me feel.

Let’s talk about relationships. In all the relationships I’ve had, I’ve always felt second best. Always second best to something. It can be a number of things, it can even be people. It’s like I’m asking for far too much to feel as if I mean something to someone. To really know and not just sit wondering if it’s true or not. To not second guess every action that I make. To not second guess every action that they make. To just know that I’m worth fighting for, that I’m worth a reaction.

As much as I want to sit on my high horse, acting as if I don’t need validation, its not true. I don’t base my life around it or all of my self worth. But there are always low times in my day or week where I would like validation, without having to come right out and ask for it.

(Um this isn’t my way of asking for it. Truly. I’m a blogger, I’m narcissistic on some levels, we all are. But really, I’m not looking for placation here. Just any honesty or relation you may or may not have. I know I can count on you guys for that.)

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Responses

  1. This is me, totally relating. TOTALLY.

  2. I don’t know if I necessarily feel second best all the time … I just feel different and alone. This is not meant to sound depressing. As an only child the feeling alone is simply part of your world. One very simple example is that all of my college girlfriends (9 of them) pledged the same sorority while I pledged a different one. The school we went to doesn’t have greek housing, so I was able to live with my friends and to this day they remain my closest friends. But, it is things like that that make me self conscious about myself, who I am in this world, etc. I think I reach and hope for validation from people simply because growing up I didn’t have siblings validating my every move. Anyway … I am rambling. I love you, babe.

  3. I think we all feel that way at certain times except for or until times we don’t. There are some people that I read and comment on because I enjoy what they have to say, and it wouldn’t be the whole truth if I acted like it didn’t bother me that plenty of them *never ever not even sometimes* come to visit my words of profound deepness and wisdom and yumminess and silliness or whatever the hell I posted that day that I thought was so fabulous that I wanted to share it with the goddman public world as if it was some treasure. Or there are those who were there strongly but then fade, too busy being popular or too caught up in things that are important enough that they oughtta be caught up in instead, but still, I notice and don’t want it to kind of hurt because it seems kind of silly. In real life and in blog life.

    Then again, other times, like now, I feel like I have one or two people who would notice if I didn’t show up in life or online, and I do OK.

    Another long ass comment just to say that I think that lots of us feel that way at least sometimes. We are super cool, but we are human, too.

  4. I don’t know about second best… but I completely identify with the validation part. I’ve been feeling more and more ignored. Like, people talking over and around my words ignored. Husband is wonderfully supportive, but dammit, I need others to appreciate me as well. Cue in guilt for that.

    Hang on there, and let’s play attention whores here and on the NaBlo. Username is the same, I use this blog for the challenge, feel free to track me here or friend me there.

  5. heya!!!

    I can relate to that… A LOT!!!

    I am one of these people that will go through infinite lengths to help a friend… And yet… half the time it is not appreciated. Nope… I am not doing it for the appreciation, it is just the way I am… but it is good to have some “validation” some times…

    It happened once… during therapy… and that made me feel sooo good!

    Blogging us pretty much the same thing… I’ve been a blogger for the best part of 7 years now… I have never had a HUGE amount of comments on my posts… Hell I’ve spent months without any comments… 🙂 But I blog for myself! (or so I say… the truth is that we all of us bloggers blog for ourselves thinking on what others will think of we have to say)

    I am not denying… it is awesome to see a new comment on something I wrote… or someone that has been on the site for the first time…

    We all go through lows and highs… (I myself have being through loads of lows lately… I hate to admit that but it is the truth) We all want to be recognized…

    But hang on in there lil tomato!

    and know… for all that you are and all that you do (even though I have been following your blog for just a tiny bit of time and have only commented for the first time this week… hehehe) YOU ARE SECOND TO NONE!

    That’s your world babes! Enjoy it! 😉

    xxx

  6. I completely get this. However because I have no fantastic insight, but believe you deserve the best, I offer you this:

    My husband thinks you are HAWT. 😀

  7. Oh honey. I always always fell second best. I have felt that way my entire life. I constantly worry about what others are thinking. That is why, early on in blogging, I asked you about your sarcasm. I was convinced you disliked me.

    As for comments. I read my favs every morning they pop up in my reader. Some mornings are too hectic to leave a comment and then I forget to come back. It is personal. It’s just business.

    As for the blogroll. I’ve thought about taking mine down. Because I am horrible at updating. I haven’t looked at mine since June and I am certain that many of my new favs are not on it. I am sure of this. And there are some on there that I have not even visited in months.

    As for your new stumble, I am dying to know who it is. LOL.

    OK. Back to feeding my kids their breakfast. Smooches, babe.

  8. Hey. I’m back to let you know that apparently my blogroll is gone from my blog. I must have asked for it to be removed the last time my blog was pimped.

    Which lets you know how much I really hated it. I don’t know if it’s a good thing to get rid of. But I really HATED it.

  9. I go out of my way to be friends with people, but I don’t think most people want to be friend back. Like my neighbor, I made some pumpkin cranberry bread last year so I made an extra loaf and took it over to her. It tasted so good and she came back in two days and said it was so good she ate it all really fast. Now she never even says hello. I must be invisible. Anyway I like your blog. You are a good writer.

  10. I hear ya darlin’. Loud and clear.

    In the blogosphere, I die a little inside when I pour my heart out into a post and no one else seems to care. I know I’m not that interesting or funny, I don’t know shit about pop culture or fashion. But… I’m pretty motherfucking honest. And that just doesn’t rate very high on the entertainment scale.

    And in the outside the internet world, everyone has that one person they are closer to than everyone else. It’s like I can only get so close, just one step away from the sacred inner circle… but I don’t quite make it all the way. (And on the rare occasions I have made it, the caring and support only goes one way.)

    Some validation would be great. My husband does an alright job of this, I won’t complain about him (at the moment). But it would be nice if the people that I interact with outside of the house would offer some fucking feedback once in a while. Do I bring even a little joy into your life? Have I ever offered you any insight? Am I invisible? Do you really not give a shit about me?

    And Pee Ess: I love reading your blog. I’m sorry for sucking with the comments lately. 🙂 Love you, baybee!

  11. um, me too. 100% second best. at pretty much just about everything. 🙂
    ps. there’s a really good song by pedro the lion called second best. it’s GREAT.

  12. Blogging: who really is the best? And by what standard? Comments, money, links? If you can look back at your posts and re-read and laugh and love them then you rock and that’s all you need to know.

    Friendships: cull them, just like you do your blogroll. I refused to go to a party this weekend because I don’t care for the girl that threw it. If I don’t get back what I give, screw it.

    Relationships: same as friendships…if you even suspect that you aren’t getting back what you’re putting in, then quit it. You can’t change him, you can only change you.

    Remember namaste baby…namaste.

  13. Oh my gosh, I think you’ve hit a couple of nails on the head there. I think everyone likes to be validated, I mean who doesn’t have an ego, right?
    And who doesn’t feel like second best at least part of the time. A lot of people who you think are confident? are not so confident, c’est la vie.
    And of course you know that I think you rule and I pretty much know everything, right? Oh course right!

  14. I totally get this. Completely.

  15. Again, you’ve said what I’ve (and I’m sure many others) have felt. And you RAWK for that.

    I’ve felt my whole life like I was the bigger fish in a smaller pond – never in the big pond, but I’ve come to *know* that small pond people rock.

  16. Excuse me, but were you in my brain today? If so, could you clean it up a bit while you’re in there.

    And I’d LOVE to know whose blog you were one (so I can find out if I’m on there).

  17. i’m new to blogging and i’m with you there in your feelings. but for the record, i think you write famously. just a thought, maybe the ones that don’t reach out feel that you don”t need them to reach out. anyhooo. i keep coming back here for more great writing and deep thoughts.

  18. Okay.. GET OUT OF MY HEAD TOO..well..really that is me in everyday life.. for every awesome thought I have of me there are about 1,568,786,582,698 BAD ones.. I am not even second best my mind.. okay.but I probably need shock therapy or some shit like that..

    and don’t stress the blog roll.. i forget to update.. ALL THE TIME.. you are fucking awesome..and I know your awesome.. and lots of fucking awesome people think your awesome..

    mwah..

    ps.. please dont fine me for my potty mouth..

  19. I love how you write from your heart, Miss. This whole take on blogging is so very true.

    I know you’d be an awesome friend, and not second best at that.

  20. Not sure if you’ve seen it, but I did love you on my anniversary post a little bit because, to be honest, I feel like I’m one of the friends who have taken, taken, taken and given nothing. Not just with you, but with a few others as well…and I’m not sure how else to a say thank you and I love you at this time, so maybe just read that and know in your heart that I appreciate you and hold you in the highest regards as a friend here and in real live and that I mean it with every ounce of me. Sometimes writing is the only way I can really express it.

  21. You know, you’ve never been second best in my mind. And dude, I’d LOVE to hover at feeling second best. Both me and Kim need a promotion.

  22. Surely all the comments above prove that what you write certainly isn’t second best? Only just found your blog myself through random selection on WordPress, but it’ll be going on my blogroll – your writing has me wanting to come back 🙂 And though I don’t have any of your blog friends on my own blogroll, I hope you might find something of interest on it anyway!


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