Posted by: justmiss | May 7, 2009

White Horse

This guest post comes from one of my best friends on the face of this planet. I met her last year, which she will explain, during a time in my life when I felt empty. She helped fill a hole in my heart and has always been there for me. I feel like if I tell you that she is a wonderful and amazing person, it just isn’t enough to describe her. Nic, you and D have been one of  the greatest additions to my life. I love you both so much. Thank you for your friendship, it has never once wavered and I can only hope that I am as good a friend to you as you have been to me. You deserve everything that is headed your way.

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I met Miss on good ol’ Plurk last year.  There was something about this foxy lady that drew me in.  Her life story gave me so much hope and comfort during that time in my life.  One of the things I loved about her blog was how she could tell her feelings and what is happening in her life through lyrics of a song.  I have always loved music, but there are very few songs that really spoke straight to my heart like they have for Miss.  That is until I heard Whitehorse by Taylor Swift.  I first heard this song when she sang it on the American Music Awards in November 2008.  I listened to that song every day for about 4 months.  And every time would belt it out while tears welled up in my eyes.  Then the song started to take on a new meaning for me.  It started giving me hope and I found myself smiling when I finished singing it.  The world is a big place.  Life is filled with surprises and possibilities.  And, there is love and friendship to be found in even the most unexpected of places.

Love you, Miss!  Thank you for letting me guest post and loving me unconditionally!  You are the truest of friends and I am so lucky to have you in my life. 

 

 Say you’re sorry / That face of an angel comes out / Just when you need it to / As I pace back and forth all this time / ‘Cause / I honestly believed in you / Holdin’ on, / The days drag on / Stupid girl / I should have known, I should have known

I lost count of how many times you came home drunk or did something stupid while intoxicated.  The next morning you would say that it wouldn’t happen again.  You said you would take a break or cut back on how much you drink.  I would encourage and support you in this healthy decision, but after a week or two you are spending our money at the liquor store or pub.  I would remind you of the promise you made, but it would fall upon deaf ears and repelled with excuses.  Years of empty promises slipped through my fingers so that it was too late for things to change.

That I’m not a princess / This ain’t a fairytale / I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet / Lead her up the stairwell / This ain’t Hollywood, / This is a small town / I was a dreamer before you went and let me down / Now its too late for you and your White Horse, / To come around.

My parents worked hard for what they have.  Thanks to them I learned that a good education and hard work pay off.  Like many women I had a dream to meet a man who put his family first, who was the breadwinner allowing me to be a stay-at-home mom while I free lanced as a writer.  I dreamed we would live in a nice home, in a nice neighborhood and close to family and friends.  Instead, my parents had to help you purchase your work truck, helped us pay our bills, provided us with meals and groceries, and helped clean our condo while I worked full time to be the stable support for our family.  There was only one way to make things change for the better … I had to leave.

Maybe I was naïve, / Got lost in your eyes / I never really had a chance. / My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love you had to fight to have the upperhand. / I had so many dreams about you and me. / Happy endings; / Now I know

I was only 24 when I met you.  I had been dating guys who always put their career before me.  I thought I was not worth as much as I really am.  You swept me off my feet with all of your promises … empty promises.  I don’t know when or how I lost my ability to speak up for what I want or deserved.  I don’t know why I felt like your behavior was acceptable.  I dreamed about the man I thought you could be, but he is not the same man you are turned out to be.  You said yourself that you are happy with who you are.  That you have no need for self improvement.  You will never change.  I see that now.

And there you are on your knees / Begging for forgiveness, / Begging for me / Just like I always wanted, / But I’m so sorry

Now that I have walked away from our marriage I have seen who you really are.  Your anger has turned towards me.  Your real opinions of me and my family have come out.  You say you are sorry, that you are trying to clean up your life, that you realize you could have done more to help.  You say your daughter is the most important thing in your life and that she makes you want to be a better man.  But, you are still drinking, you are still not working, you are still putting YOU before HER, and you are still making more empty promises. 

Cause I’m not your princess / This ain’t a fairytale / I’m gonna find someone, Some day / Who might actually treat me well. / This is a big world, / That was a small town / There in my rearview mirror, / Disappearing now. / And it’s too late for you and your White Horse, / Now its too late for you and your White Horse / To catch me now.

I can never (and will never) change that you are her father, and I hope that you will become a better man for her.  But, I deserve so much more.  It is time for me to open my heart to a world of possibilities and a greater love that you could ever give to me.  Goodbye. 

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Responses

  1. Wow.
    good for you!!!
    shame on him!

    powerful post.

  2. Oh that was a really good post Nic.

  3. Good for you, sister.

  4. ok well that made me cry. A LOT. Thanks for the post. I needed to cry… and now this set it off and now I leave you because my daughter is now stuck under a coffee table :/

  5. First, a HUGE thank you to my lovely lady Miss for letting me tell a little bit of my story.

    Second, thank you all for your comments and I am sorry to make you cry Pamela!

  6. Nic, you nailed it. I’m so happy to know you (both).

  7. Nic, thanks for sharing your story. You are an inspiration, and I’m so glad that you realize you deserve more, and are so brave to open yourself up to the wonderful possiblities that lie ahead.

  8. Oh geez. Great post. So important for stories to be told.
    Thanks for sharing.

  9. Why must your guest posters make me cry?

    GREAT post.

  10. This gave me goosebumps. Just like Miss’ song lyric posts do.

    A very moving post.


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